I am feeling grateful for my partner today. So very grateful. So loving. So supportive. So funny. So talented. You are exactly what I asked for. It has been so wonderful spending the last couple of days with you. I am delighted with you.
My intentions are just to be today.
Affirmations: I get exactly what I want. Always.
It has been eons since I have blogged on gratitude. It is not that I haven’t been grateful. It is just that I have kept life very simple – paring it down to the must do’s on most days. I have missed the practice, however. Here it is…
Today I am grateful for the miraculous awakening of my mom from her coma, my caring a capable siblings, my caring and generous co-workers, some time to move my body and do some self-care, that in my beloved I have a true partner who offers support, love, and friendship, renewed faith in faith and prayer.
Today I intend to do whatever comes next.
Affirmations: I receive everything I ask for. I acknowledge this with humility and gratitude.
Wow! It feels good to post on this again!
Today I am grateful for all who helped out and showed up for my 10th Anniversary Shin Dig, for getting to hang out with and vent to Lisa Thornsberry and then Lori, and Sarah, and Erika, for feeling inspired to do some hypnosis classes, for getting my tax stuff together (though I was grouchy as all get out by the end), for feeling inspired to somehow make time to move my body more, for date night.
Tonight I intend to fight this sore throat feeling, to enjoy Mezze's and date night, rest and relax.
Affirmations: Miracles are just around the next bend.
I am feeling a shift toward strength. After many moons of continuing to feel completely overwhelmed I took a stand. I gave away part of of my patient load. Smaller paycheck = Greater sanity. Sanity wins. This also allowed me to stop doing paperwork late at night. When I get home from Living Room Yoga I do normal things – I talk with my loved ones, I cook, I take a bath, I watch movies. I am feeling more like my better self. Giving myself this space to just be is allowing me to better problem-solve some of the challenges I am facing. I am less emotional. I am more loving. I have better clarity. I am setting better boundaries.
One thing that is still troubling is that my skin is still erupting in a daily rash. Allegra keeps it at bay and Tea Tree Oil is soothing. Perhaps more restoration will calm even this down. Here I go ….
Today I am grateful for a new day, relaxing with my beloved, meeting his ex-in-laws and being treated well by them, a yummy steak dinner, an opportunity to hang out in the house this weekend and putter, have some of the heaviness of mood lift, that Jeevan is so fond of me.
Tonight I intend to sleep well and deep, awaken rested.
I am open to spiritual awakening.
I expect miracles to happen.
I had gotten away from the idea of a personal God for a more global perspective of the Universe responding my behalf to my positive intentions and vibrations blah blah blah. Lately, though, I have been talking to Jesus. Life is just so challenging. I have been needing to just pour out my soul to someone and … well … Jesus and I go way back. The whole Universe idea seems to say that it is not safe to put any negative vibrations out there such as stating how you really feel (Like "I feel shitty. I feel afraid") or what you are afraid of (abandonment, losing everything, getting fat). Well, lately I have felt shitty and I have been afraid. That doesn't mean I will stay stuck there but I want to just be able to admit it. And I want my higher power to care about that. So I guess you can say I had a "come to Jesus moment." I have opened the dialogue and you know what? I feel better. I feel comforted. Here I go….
Today I am choosing to be grateful for my job, my boyfriend, my dilemmas, my angst, my weight gain, my cough, my car, my apartment, friends who visit me from far away, friends to take care of me close by, my feelings of having no time for myself, for writing, or for doing nothing. I am grateful for gratitude, for the realization I just need to be grateful for everything that is without labeling it good or bad.
Tonight I intend to enjoy the closeness of my beloved, sleep well and deep, awakened refreshed, eat light.
I go my best and let God take care of the rest.
I am not alone.
Everything will resolve the way it needs to.
I place all that I cannot control in God's hands.
Today I am grateful for the helpful people at CE Broker, getting many of my courses listed, finding out that I can offer CEs for the Thai course that Barry teaches, spending time with Christina, getting my notes almost done, the beautiful meal at Mezze's, running into Shannon and Sean, feeling so very loved and supported by my beautiful boyfriend.
Today I intend to be fully present for John, enjoy the Thai course, enjoy Bridget's company tonight.
I can do all things through Christ-consciousness which strengthens me.
Nothing is on my plate that I can't handle.
I deserve the love that I am experiencing and I receive it easily and willingly.
As I am sure I have mentioned, I have way more on my list than I ever have time to do. This is a constant source of agitation for my Pitta self because I can never quite cross all the items off the list. I might do three quarters of several tasks which means I got quite a bit accomplished but I still can't cross the tasks off the list because they are not finished. So they remain hanging out in the back of my mind, draining energy away from me.
Yesterday was such a day. I actually did not have to go anywhere so I spent all day in my jammies. That part was nice. I got about 1/3 of my courses published on CE Broker – Task #1 that isn't finished. I got 3/4 of my treatment notes done from the day before – Task #2 that wasn't finished. I had promised to do the dishes and return the movie but worked so long on the other first two tasks I ran out of time before I was to meet my friend Christina for her birthday around 4:30. (Tasks #4 and $5) And because I worked so long obsessively trying to finish something I was running late to pick up her present and meet her. And then because I was running late I forgot her card so had to come back to the house anyway and retrieve it.
By the time I was heading her way I was feeling truly bitchy. I jokingly (sort of) texted her that "The bitch is on her way." Because Christina is very sweet she texted me back that I am most assuredly not a bitch. That actually started to calm me down. I was able to enjoy my one hard cider and relax. By the time Barry came home later I was exhausted but not bitchy. And I had managed to return the movie and do the dishes after all (Yay! Two items crossed off).
So what is the moral of this story? Stop earlier. Before you blow a gasket. You are not going to finish anyway so just accept it and stop earlier. Don't put yourself in a rush. Adjust your expectations. And. Just. Stop. On that note, here I go….
So this is how people's lives are…. working such long hours. Eating when they can and not making the best choices. Eating for comfort. Eating for just a little more energy. Too tired to think too deeply about what they are putting in their mouths. Not getting enough sleep. Yep I think I finally understand.
For me every Monday represents the start of another cycle of madness. Will I stay on top of my progress notes or be doing them at 9 and 10 o'clock at night? Will I have enough time to get everyone what they need to make sure Living Room Yoga flourishes? Will I get the rest and down time I need? will I melt down? Will I snap at the person who loves me most?
Balancing a pitta imbalance is not easy under these circumstances. My life is the epitome of pitta. And yet, I am MOSTLY doing it. I have adjusted in small ways how I eat. I take lots of deep breaths. I remember to express my gratitudes to those who love me and care for me. If I can do this, you can do this. I know it now.