After so many years of losing and gaining weight – since I was 11 years old – I am truly amazed at how differently letting go of weight is for me this time. Part of the hyposis script for weight loss is "You will always choose to eat small portions of the right kinds of food no matter what is going on, no matter how you are feeling, no matter where you are, and not matter who you are with" and " my metabolism and eating habits support reaching my ideal weight." I am truly experiencing this as my reality without any sense of deprivation or the need to engage "will power." This really brings home to me how powerful hypnosis is no matter what the goal is.
In one of my last posts "Changing My Relationship to Food" I wrote, "I realize that some of my binge eating habits throughout my life are a reaction to (1) having poor boundaries with others and allowing others’ needs to come before my own; (2) placing unrealistic expections on myself in regards to work; and thus overworking (3) not feeling free to express my own needs and desires in certain situations and with certain people. I now know that if I am to avoid the cycle of weight gain and weight loss that I have engaged in my whole life, I must change my relationship with food permanently. That means I must exercise a healthy balance between others’ needs and my own. I must attune myself to my internal cues and respect my needs for sleep, rest, relationships, and play. I must speak up on my own behalf for my own needs and risk being more honest with certain people in my life. These are all things that I look forward to putting into practice – I know when I do I will experience less impulsivity in regards to food."
I got an opportunity to practice these new intentions this week. My in-laws are visiting this week. For some reason when they visit my husband becomes highly protective of them and highly sensitive to every word I say. As a result, I typically feel muzzled and like I am walking on egg shells their entire visit. Usually Greg tells me at least once that I have said something offiensive or that embarrassed him (although I cannot see what he is talking about) but he never wants me to talk to his parents about it. He is not like this in any other situation except when they visit. Needless to say, it is very difficult for me to relax during these times and I usually end up stuffing down my feelings and my words with food.
It took only one day for the cycle to begin … but this time I found myself becoming emotional and allowed the tears to come. When my mother-in-law asked what was wrong, Greg responded, "Stacy isn't feeling well." i then stood up for myself and said, "I am going to tell her the truth." And I did. I told her that everytime they visit Greg tells me I embarrassed him by talking down to him or saying something offensive to them and that I feel I have to walk on egg shells the entire visit. She then hugged me (not typical) and told me I had never said anything to offend them nor had they interpreted anything I said as talking down to Greg. She said, "Please just be yourself." Greg then exited to put food on the grill and she and I were able to talk further. I felt closer to her after that than I ever have. And I realized that the discomfort I always feel with them really had nothing to do with them all all. Rather it had to do with my husband's perceptions which are based on … I don't know what. By speaking up and telling the truth I allowed a huge burden to lift. I felt none of my usual compulsion to stuff my face because to me the issue was resolved. I still don't know why my husband has this reaction to their visits but I do know that I will no longer walk on egg shells in my own house.
I have been reporting on Facebook lately on how much I have been enjoying the Hypnosummit. I have two more weeks to listen to the lectures and have been trying to listen two hours per day to get the most value for my money. Today I was listening to a subject that I deal with regularly in my practice hoping for new insight to help my clients achieve lasting change. I wanted to hear it, learn it, and integrate it but found myself feeling more and more agitated the more I listened. I heard myself saying to myself … "Just hang in there, you can get through this." But I got more and more agitated the more I listened to this man. Why? I have no idea. He wasn't the best speaker. The sound quality wasn't great. But the level of agitation seemed to go beyond either of these issues. I finally decided it didn't matter why I was agitated. What mattered is that he was agitating me. I then stopped listening and moved on to a different lecture. Was I meant to listen to this other lecture? Am I meant to use the techniques from this other lectures with my clients tonight? I don't know. All I know is that I FINALLY listened to my inner self and stopped listening. That is the important thing.
Today I had a turning point in my relationship with food. I was driving home from work feeling quite tired, realizing I have been working quite a lot lately. I observed that my typical reaction to this state of being would be to tell myself I deserved a treat. At that point I would pick up Reece’s Cups from CVS or maybe even stop by the ice cream store. Since I knew that I was not going to go that route I asked myself how I could meet my real needs in this situation instead of stuffing my needs with sugar. I got home and had a small nutritional shake (chocolate and peanut butter flavor) and took a nap. I woke up feeling restored and was able to stay on my eating plan the rest of the day.
I realize that some of my binge eating habits throughout my life are a reaction to (1) having poor boundaries with others and allowing others’ needs to come before my own; (2) placing unrealistic expections on myself in regards to work; and thus overworking (3) not feeling free to express my own needs and desires in certain situations and with certain people. I now know that if I am to avoid the cycle of weight gain and weight loss that I have engaged in my whole life, I must change my relationship with food permanently. That means I must exercise a healthy balance between others’ needs and my own. I must attune myself to my internal cues and respect my needs for sleep, rest, relationships, and play. I must speak up on my own behalf for my own needs and risk being more honest with certain people in my life. These are all things that I look forward to putting into practice – I know when I do I will experience less impulsivity in regards to food.
I am grateful for these insights.
I am on day three of my weight loss journey. So far so good. I have been using the protein shakes for one meal a day. I have 200-300 calories in the a.m. The same at mid-day and about 150 calories for a snack in the late afternoon. That leaves enough calories for a great dinner at night with my husbalnd. This seems to be working really well for me. Am trying to incorporate a little cinnamon, a little vinegar, and 4 cups of green tea into my day. All this is keeping hunger at bay. My resolve is strong to drop this 25 pounds. I believe that all the weight loss hypnosis I have been doing for others is also helping me. I know from experience though that as soon as I think "this is easy" things change and I may wan to eat everything I can get my hands on. I have the teacher training weekend tomorrow and Sunday. My fear is that I will be so exhausted I will start thinking that I deserve to overeat or that I will overeat simply out of exhaustion. I really want to guard against this. I am excited at the prospect of seeing my belly begin to shrink and freeing up the stored energy there.
Wednesday February 17 I will begin my weight loss journey. I have been comtemplating my best plan of action over the past several weeks. The biggest obstacle to my beginning is my lack of time for the meticulous planning and recording that has worked for me in the past. Because of this lack of time, I finally decided on meal replacement as my chosen method. What I am supposed to do is eat nothing but the meal replacement for two weeks. However, I have decided that I will digress from this and replace breakfast and lunch and eat dinner with my husband in the evening. My plan is to stick to an 1170 calorie per day goal. Given that I have 25 pounds to lose, I am planning on completing my journey by the end of May.
How did I get to the place of needing to lose 25 pounds? I love to feel full. I love chocolate. It is no secret I have a weakness for Reeces Peanut Butter Cups in particular. I eat when I need to feel grounded. I eat when I am feeling lonely. I eat when I have been overworking. I eat when I am overtired. I eat when I socialize. I eat when I am bored and need to barrel my way through a project. I eat for comfort. 2009 required a lot of comforting. Thus I find myself needing to lose 25 pounds.
I know why I overeat and that makes me nervous about starting this journey. I have put a lot of my plate (pun intended) this year in terms of growing Living Room Yoga. I am in the middle of a 10 month teacher training program and am developing the 300-hour program to begin next year. I am completely changing over the old website to a new format. Thus I have lots of time where I must sit on my buttocks and type type type. What makes me think I can take this weight loss thing on in the midst of all this?
1. I do not like the jowly image looking back at me in the mirror (I do like myself, just not the image)
2. The diabetes that runs rampant in my family is not a path I want to take.
3. I would really like to feel good in a bathing suit by the time I go to Costa Rica in July.
4. I simply do not need this extra stored energy I am carrying on my back.
5. I think I have enough support around me to help me get through the tough moments.
6. I can use my own skills in hypnosis to strengthen my resolve.
7. I know I am capable of resolve of steel.
So… tomorrow I begin. I will try to write here daily about how I am doing.
Have you ever known someone who tells you they cannot eat when they are under stress? I am not that person. Under stress I eat for comfort and it is easy to pack on the pounds. The stress of the depressed economy over the past year has taken its toll on me and lately I have been feeling uncomfortable in my body. For this reason, I am presenting myself with a challenge that I would also like to extend to you. My intention this holiday season is to optimize my physical, mental, and emotional well-being by eating at least eight fruits and vegetables per day and write about my experience on my Heal Yourself, Heal the World Blog. Let me know of your intention to accept my challenge and posting your intention here.