My True Nature – Yoga St. Petersburg

It is easy for me to identify my true nature with my worst traits. For instance, I can walk into any situation and immediately see everything that is wrong with it. Furthermore, I have an opinion on how it should be instead. While this could come in hand in limited contexts, for the most part it is just annoying. Thus over time I have learned to more often simply observe these thoughts without sharing them with the world. How has this been possible? Yoga. Practicing yoga has gradually rubbed off some of my rough edges – inward and outward – so that I am more peaceful, blissful, kind, and accepting. Yoga philosophy views this peacefulness, blissfulness, and kindness as my true nature, not my more negative traits.

No wonder yogic philosophy is associated with enlightenment!

Viewing my true nature as essentially good feels so much lighter than viewing myself as a sinner. I grew up under the heavy guilt associated with the latter. I distinctly remember that as a child, when I began to feel too confident or peaceful or proud of an accomplishment, my immediate next response was to feel guilt. Then I began to search internally for what was wrong within myself so that I could confess it and ask for forgiveness. Talk about HEAVY. I simply could never escape the heaviness of the idea that I was a sinner.

Ironically I practiced yoga as a child (before the conscious religious influence) but did not return to it until I was 34.

I was reminded of the vast difference between my traditional religious upbringing and my current beliefs in a recent visit home. I went to church with my brother and sister (whom I love very much though their beliefs both politically and religiously are vastly different from mine). The whole way through the sermon I kept looking for common ground with my beliefs (and there was some). However, the more the sermon went on the more the preacher emphasized our sinful nature. And the more he emphasized our sinful nature the sadder he seemed to get. And the more this continued the heavier I began to feel as well. It got to the point that I thought I was going to have to flee the church (actually we did flee the church but only because I had to leave for the airport). I have to say that this heaviness stayed with me for quite some time after.

The whole experience made me even more grateful that I returned to yoga and that I have made it my life work to help people become lighter through yoga. This return to childhood memories, however, has made me aware of how much that early training still weighs heavy on me at times. No doubt the occasional self-doubt I experience can be traced to this early imprinting.

At the time of this writing I am sitting in Logan airport after completing 30.5 hours of yoga training over the past couple of days with my teachers Karin Stephan and Deborah Wolk. Being with them has reminded me not to let the burdens of everyday life weigh me down … as my teacher Joseph LePage is fond of saying, No matter what the question is , the answer is to do more yoga.”